where is the love and care and concern in my life..i am tired..sad and feeling really discouraged..where is the warmth and comfort from a family..i hate this life..i dun see a point in staying in this home anymore..but then again what can i do..i feel the weight and pressure dragging me deeper..time flies and people change..but i wonder how much more of this can i take..i hate you seriously..and i dunno what to do with u..this smashing of things..and pointless quarrels are making me more fustrated then ever..i dun wanna study anymore..no matter how much i try or even do well..none of you can see past the fact that i am trying..after all i am only 15..barely 16..how much hurt can i take before breaking down..i dun even know what am i doing now..there is no sign of encouragement..but lots of negative remarks which are being passed down..whats the point of being a child..why bring me into this world?
and then there is you..i realised i had a crush on you..and it wasnt easy to understand it..but i did..but i dun intend to press on further or have any hope of winning your heart..i am a hopeless loser..its like that old saying again..a toad lusting after a swan's flesh..i dunno why..but u seem to appear in my mind most of the time this couple of weeks..but no..i have decided..let whatever people called fate and destiny decide for me..i have no wish whatsoever..i dun wanna fall deep and place my all in you..i was bitten once before and it didnt feel good..i dun wish to suffer again..lets hope its just an infatuation..and get over it fast..one thing is for sure..i will try to avoid it to be able to forget..but i take it one step at a time..you have a good future and i know for sure you are too good for me..forget about what crap about love sees no boundaries..lets face it...we are in this realistic world..i know i cant be good enough no matter what..i wish you all the best..sincerely..
church feels so far..the momentary peace i can feel was the best i could ever get..good things do come to an end..the next thing i know i am being chided for no god-damned reason..and all of a sudden,there doesnt seem to be a god..i feel so alone and trapped in my own pain..all this feels like 2007 once again..i am tired of this pain..the mental strength is weary..tears have been flowing endlessly again..i am a 16 year old boy and yet i feel like a suffering orphan..
i wanna go..run somewhere and never be found..
i long to run far..to live the way i want to..
i wish to see the better part of life and stop this pain..
i dun wanna cry and hurt myself anymore..
i wont lie to myself that my family sucks and my dad is a bastard..
i just hope for all this to end..
this is the 16th year i have suffered..
i plan to walk alone..
i am sorry to all for whatever i have done..
and i thank god for letting me know u ppl..
but the situation is so far worse then i thought it to be..
i shall remain positive for as long as i can hold on.
but the question is..how long more before i crumble?
