ok i dont know why..i feel like shit...
i seriously have the down sliding mood today..
its in me already..
it just got worse and i dont know why..
and days goes by..no leaving me anything
any choice or any chance at all..
time has outran me..
everytime i feel like saying something..
i go weak and numb..
my courage has failed me..
and my thoughts and mind has been growing weaker and weaker
the endless memories are haunting me..
but i think bout them becoz i feel like it..
and even if i dun..i feel even weaker..
wads the difference?
my mental strength has grown weary..
anxiety has got the better of me..
and coupled by the fact that i am ill makes all these 2 times worser..
and everytime i want just see u once more..
the yearning in my heart is replaced..
i cant settle my mind and thoughts..
i seem to have lost myself..
and tonight everything seems to have crashed down..
everything..the things i have done..
the words i have said..
the feelinhgs i have felt..
it seemed to hit me back double...
people ask me is it worth it..especially when exams are near..
i cant even seem to have the will power to move myself..
i have tried..probably thats all i can do..
i think its over..i'm over..i'm gone..
no matter how much i want u back..
the mixed feelings of love and hate..
the mixed thoughts of u and me..
the disoriented person i am now..
it all doesnt seem right..
they say theres a reason for everything..
a meaning for why we live..
it doesnt add up for me to feel as before..
taunts are thrown at me..
parents are not helping..
i cant possibly rely on anyone that much..
i find the world a terrible and unjust place..
i find myself standing alone at a crossroads..
bt paths are all blocked..
no matter how many different paths are there..i cant seem to find the right one..
i cant possibly turn back..
fate has outplayed me...
and i hate myself very much..
i caused my own defeat..i set a trap for myself..
i felt a moment of solace and lost..
as i weep silently..the tears and constant misery plagues me..
its now the 24 of september..
i cant believe i'm such a failure..
but the present situation has made me weaker and weaker..
imagine the sky without stars..even if there were,they are all so weak..
imagine the sun stopped shining and snow starts falling making the place all cold
its as if i'm living in darkness..nothing is there..my studies are gone..
i expect to see myself in sec 4 NA or sec 3 EXPRESS again..
yet..i have never blamed anyone..
its all my own fault..for my own incompetencies..
there is no subsitute in life..how i wish there was..
so that hard stuff are easier to handle..
but its all myself..
i fell again and again..when i tried to stand..i gt pushed down..
i am weak..i lost to you.
fate has outwitted me..time has outran me..courage has failed me..and my heart has sunk deeply
down and beyond..deep within me stirs this longing..but yet it seems unable to satisfy..its all gone..i'm gone
TERRENCE
